posted by Graciana@Home at 8:08 pm

In all my thoughts and the corners of my heart there is not a room for HIM. In my wickedness and willfulness I do not seek His ways. In the selfish yearnings of my heart, I approve its greediness and ridicule HIS laws. I do not remember HIM when I talk about HIM. I do not mind HIM when I talk to HIM. In what I do, I do not care that HE is around and that HE sees. I am happy in my own disillusionment. My own self is apt to be my master.

Save me, O LORD. Save me, from myself. Save me, from my flesh, from its pride and self-affection. Save me, for they lead me to death. Save me, for I am dying. No one remembers life when she is dying. No one gives praise for life when she is going into the grave. Do it, O LORD. Only YOU can save me. Lift me up from the gates of death. Show me light of life that I would not sleep into the dimness of death. Save me.

posted by Graciana@Home at 2:02 pm

posted by Graciana@Home at 10:39 am

Friendships I do not make, friendships I find myself in. I find them, or rather not I, but the God in me and in my friends. As Emerson says, my friends came to me unsought, the great GOD gave them to me. A friend is not gained, a friend is given. A friend is a gift. I have always wondered, what brings two friends together? How does one become the friend of another? I cringe at the idea of discernment or taste =S As Jesus says, you have not chosen me, but I have chosen you. May I as well consent with Lewis, friends have not chosen one another but He has chosen them for one another. The heart knows reasons which reason does not, I remember Pascal too. I do not know but I know, and I know more than I can tell, that a friend told me last night. That heartbreaking sincerity. It was what occurred to me as wonderful in our very first conversation. And I am still overwhelmed.

(Friendships found over round chinese chess table, at yih and also over youtube. Hehe. =P)

posted by Graciana@Home at 5:57 am

After what felt like decades of being with thousands of people, I came out to breathe, to be free, to be alone. As often as I have been among men, I have always returned lesser then a man. Always for the good of my own soul, this being alone. For being alone I know I am with myself and not with anyone else. For being with myself I know I am not alone.

posted by Graciana@Home at 1:05 pm

What is a faithful friend to you? I asked E yesterday at lesson and wondered if I knew the answer to my question. How does it feel when another’s heart sees what yours sees? When souls meet and are brought to a shared journey and mutual conquest, of desperate ragings of battles of our souls, kept secret between us? Into literature, into music, to the trees and mountains, into the dawn and the dark night like darkness itself. To laugh and cry and scorn and yearn. Together. All the way. Faithful. Oh God, how does it feel?

posted by Graciana@Home at 8:32 am

posted by Graciana@Home at 1:51 pm

How can a mere thought, mere presence, mere sight, the sound of a loving word, and a touch, be so pleasing and delightful? If someone can be so pleasurable, how much more pleasure and delight and satisfaction can I have in HIM who makes him? I am so much aware of the strength of desire for him. At moments of this awareness I must choose restraint. But I must choose to be grateful too. I must choose to take a moment to see the desirable him as grace and to say grace to HIM who makes him desirable. It is a reminder to desire HIM who is desirable in Himself.


You will show me the path of life
In Your presence is fullness of joy
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

posted by Graciana@Home at 7:49 am

posted by Graciana@Home at 3:46 am

Man is born to trouble and sorrow. His life's boast is labour and pain. In them one is brought to the point of death, only for new life to be given. In them one is burnt to ashes, only for gold to appear. These I will experience forever, it is a long journey. Perhaps I will never get used to this, this condition of being in two states. That in learning to live, I must learn to die. I will still dread my sufferings, even when I'm told they are for my benefit. I will still ask, why God? when man's understanding could not explain why. And there will be only one perpetual reminder and answer. Jesus is GOD and man. In HIS death and resurrection, I continue living after my death. In learning to die, I learn to live.

posted by Graciana@Home at 4:58 am